Deep Sea Beauty

Years ago I took an online writing course in which I was instructed to edit the following piece of writing by cutting the word count and tightening up the story. It will serve as ┬áday thirteen’s “play with word count” assignment. (Please bear with me!)

Original By Instructor: When Henry went on vacation to the south sea island of Bognor he went for several deep sea dives in and around the island country’s enchantingly beautiful coastal caverns. He found it to be a totally mesmerizing adventure under the glorious crystal clear sea. And then one day, as he was about to finish a dive, he saw her. Glenda. He saw her while still 30 feet underwater. She was like a glorious, mesmerizing, enchanting sea mermaid with long long silky golden blonde hair flowing in the currants of the crystal clear sea waters off the coast of Bognor.

He knew from the start, deep down in his heart, that she and he never were meant to be apart. But suddenly and totally unexpectedly, as he floated lazily toward her, watching her golden locks float above the coral reef, a strong current intervened and ripped them apart.

Henry lost his mask and air regulator. And soon, as he floated down down down towards the murky depth of the sea bed, he lost total consciousness…

My Edited Version: While vacationing on the south sea island of Bognor, Henry went deep sea diving daily. He was mesmerized by the beautiful coastal caverns and pristine waters. On the last day of his vacation, while taking his final dive, he saw her. He was 30 feet underwater, enjoying the flora and fauna. She was gliding in his direction, golden hair gently flowing behind her. As the distance between them closed, Henry was struck by her serene beauty. With sudden clarity he knew this was the woman of his dreams. He reached out to her, and as she glided into his arms, his world went black.

She had disconnected his air regulator, removed his mask and swam away. Glenda did not like deep sea divers.

A Letter to the Me I Used to Be

Dear You:

By “you” I mean the me I used to be. I miss you…I mean, really miss you. I miss your energy, stamina, strength. I miss the loves you shared and what those loves encompassed; caring, sharing, camaraderie, hugging, kissing, loving, walking, talking; in fact, just being together.

Do you remember those wonderful years of dancing, romancing, cottaging, boating, traveling…remember breakfast in bed? Of course you do or this letter would not be taking shape.

The years of motherhood and entrepreneurship were so time consuming and fulfilling…so satisfying and all encompassing.

The me I used to be no longer exists…instead, another me has emerged; quieter, more patient, slower in movement and thought; still gregarious but less so; more spiritual, maybe more thoughtful; still have the love, but no one to share it with.

And so, it is with fond remembrance that I write to you, to tell you that I appreciate all that you were, and will never really say goodbye to…

The Me I Used To Be