It appears that most of my blogs have been on a more serious bent and I am about to change that. Proverbs 15:30 says A cheerful look brings joy to the heart…and Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine…
Today’s post will include some Christian humor…just a little…just for laughs. Here goes….
A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. “Have you done anything of merit?” St. Peter asked. “Well, I can think of one thing”, the man offered. “Once on a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone but they wouldn’t listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker, smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground. I yelled, “Now back off biker boy or you’ll answer to me!” St. Peter was impressed. “When did this happen?” he asked. “Just a couple of minutes ago.”
A man, his wife and mother-in-law went on a vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them “You can have her shipped home for $5000 or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150.” The man thought about it and told him he’d just have her shipped home. “Why? Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150.” The man said, “A man died here 2000 years ago, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead.” I just can’t take that chance.”
This is about a middle-aged woman who wanted a new improved self.
Unfortunately she ends up injured in a car accident and is rushed to hospital. As she floats in and out of consciousness, she begs God to keep her alive. God tells her not to worry and promises her a long, long life.
While she’s in hospital recovering from her broken bones she figures she might as well get a few other things done. She opts for a tummy tuck, a breast augmentation, has her eyes lifted and her nose reduced.
She looks and feels like a new woman and can’t wait to show the world.
She had just left the hospital for home when a bus rounds the corner, slams into her and kills her. When she gets to heaven she’s furious and tells God “You said I was going to live a long life. What happened?”
God studies her face and says, “I didn’t recognize you!”
A man was taking it easy, lying on the grass looking up at the clouds and decided to talk to God. “God” he said “How long is a million years?” God answered, “In my frame of reference, it’s about a minute.” Then the man asked God “How much is a million dollars?”
God answered, “To me it’s a penny.”
The man asked “God can I have a penny?”
God said, “In a minute.”
And that’s it for my attempt at Christian humor. My apologies to anyone who may take offence; especially bikers, mothers-in-law, and those prone to gilding the lily.
In case you are wondering where my material came from, I borrowed it from one of my Alpha experiences. My pastor loved to open each session with a bit of humor.