Sometimes I just can’t help myself when it comes to sharing. Here are some more jokes I found on the Internet. Happy Saturday.
Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in France? There was nothing left but de Brie.
What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk.
Why don’t ants ever get sick? Because they have little anty bodies.
What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle? Attire
What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed.
My boss just texted me: “Send me one of your funny jokes!” I texted him back: “I’m busy working. I’ll send one later.” “That’s hilarious,” he said. “Send another one!”
What is worse than raining cats and dogs? Hailing taxis!
Why aren’t koalas actual bears? The don’t meet the koalafications
Where do beef burgers go to dance? The meatball.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot
No groans please.
Yesterday I read that laughter is good for the heart so I looked up some jokes on the internet.
How do you keep a bagel from getting away? Put lox on it.
A man tells his doctor, “Doc, help me. I’m addicted to Twitter!” The doctor replies, “Sorry, I don’t follow you…”
What kind of exercise do lazy people do? Diddly-squats.
What did the Tin Man say when he got run over by a steamroller? “Curses! Foil again!”
What did the left eye say to the right eye? “Between you and me, something smells.”
How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
What do you call a magic dog? A labracadabrador.
Why did the frog take the bus to work today? His car got toad away.
What did the buffalo say when his son left for college? Bison.
Once my dog ate all the Scrabble tiles. He kept leaving little messages around the house.
Paranoia has reached absurd stages. I sneezed in front of my laptop and the anti-virus started a scan on its own.
Anyone chuckling yet? Happy Saturday.
Continuing Saturday’s play on words known as lexophilia:
I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
England has no kidney bank but it has a Liverpool.
I was told I had type-A blood but it was a typo.
When chemists die they barium.
I’m reading a good book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
Why were the Natives here first? They had reservations.
I didn’t like my beard at first but then it grew on me.
When you get a bladder infection, urine in trouble
A dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary is a known as a thesaurus.
All the toilets in New York City have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
That’s the end of lexophilia laughs until another time. Enjoy your day.
In case you’re not familiar with the word lexophilia here is an explanation I found online:
“Lexophile” is a word used to describe those who have a love for words, especially those set in a new framework.
“You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish”, or “To write with a broken pencil is pointless.”
Here are a few other examples:
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. The details are sketchy.
I tried to catch some fog but I mist.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
The guy who’s addicted to brake fluid says he can stop at any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
There’s more where these came from. Stay tuned.
Big fat, fluffy, flakes of falling snow are accumulating all around my field of vision which happens to be in Scarborough, Ontario, Canada. Now this is to be expected in the throes of winter but today is April 6th!
The crocuses and daffodils were beginning to smile their way up through the thawing earth, and have had to postpone their journey…for who knows how long?
Snow shovels and salt pails stored away for the next eight months or so are about to be resurrected. Robins were chirping their spring songs and are now hiding in various tree branches.
I’m very happy that God has a sense of humor but would rather he give me something warmer to laugh about.
The One enthroned in heaven laughs; Psalms 2:4
I’m not sure where I heard or read the following, or whether or not it was meant to be humorous. What do you think?
This is about a middle-aged woman who wants a new improved self. Unfortunately, she ends up injured in a car accident and is rushed to hospital. As she floats in and out of consciousness, she begs God to keep her alive. God tells her not to worry and promises her a long, long life.
While she is in hospital recovering from her broken bones, she figures she might as well get a few other things done. She opts for a tummy tuck, a breast augmentation, has her eyes lifted and her nose reduced. She looks and feels like a new woman and can’t wait to show the world.
She has just left hospital for home when a bus rounds the corner, slams into her and kills her. When she gets to heaven she’s furious and tells God, “You said I was going to live a long life. What happened?”
God studies her face and says, “I didn’t recognize you!”
Sometimes I wonder where my next blog will come from because they are mostly spontaneous rather than planned.
I spoke to someone yesterday who referred to church as a social club. It caused me to ponder the statement, which is how I came up with today’s title.
In a way this person was correct. To begin with, each man, woman and child is warmly welcomed as they enter the building. Next they find a comfortable (or not so) place to sit and pass pleasantries with the person next to them in the pew.
After the final formality of the worship service is completed in orderly fashion, the pastor is praised (or not) as we, the congregation, file out to gather for tea, coffee, goodies and socializing in the meeting hall.
As people catch up on each other’s lives since the previous week, stories are exchanged, jokes are shared, hugs are plentiful (a boon to those who live alone) and parting words are usually a cheerful “See you next Sunday, if not before.”
I’m very happy to belong to God’s social club where we come together for praise and worship, tea and coffee, and a chance to pass the raisin bread.