My night job is searching for funnies to share. My day job is sharing them. Happy Saturday.
“Diapers and politicians should be changed often…and for the same reason” Mark Twain
“When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. I’m beginning to believe it.” Clarence Darrow
“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning.”
“Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.”
“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
“The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.”
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”
“My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.”
“I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.”
My Precious Life 
These are great!